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8 1/2 MONTHS - 19 March 2011
I'm feeling unwelcome in my own home! As I've explained before, my mother-in-law comes every Saturday afternoon to be with Liva & Laia. It gives Albert and me a break, and we normally take advantage of the time to go out together, clothes-shopping, out to dinner, for a drink or whatever. We make sure we're not back until after the girls are asleep, it's a blessing - most of the time!
First of all, my mother-in-law always brings something when she comes. A few weeks ago she had spent 30-40€ on seafood, so we had "a little something" for dinner. Sometimes she brings fruit and vegetables, but so much that we can't eat it all and end up throwing some away because it's gone bad. Or she'll bring unnecessary little things for Liva and Laia, or whatever. Though I heard Albert say to her three times on the phone this morning not to bring anything, she came with a box of chocolates. I don't know whether she feels like a guest who has to come with a present for the hosts when she comes over, but it's how she makes me feel she feels, which sucks! She's Liva and Laia's grandma and my husband's mom, I don't understand why she feels she has to bring us something. And she has very little money, it would be different if she were super rich, but she isn't.
Today she arrived at 16:30, we had only been home for an hour or so and were all exhausted. We've been out all day with our German friends, walking along the beach and enjoying the nice weather. Liva had poop all the way up her back again, but this time we were prepared, we had extra clothes along, and changed her while we were out. When Iaia came over, we were all relaxing. After about 2 minutes she asks when we're leaving. I wasn't planning on leaving today, I had figured we could all be here, Albert and I could relax while she's with the girls. Both Albert and I avoid answering her. We're all in the living room, and Liva and Laia are partly with her, partly with me. Every time one of the girls looks at me or comes to me she says something along the lines of "always with mommy - are you a mommy's girls at the moment?". And every 5 minutes at least she tells us we should go. I have no idea where we'd go, we have no intentions of going out to dinner tonight, we just want to be home and relax. So right now I'm hiding away in our bedroom, I'm clearly not wanted in the living room where my girls are.
8½ MONTHS - 24 March 2011
While Liva, Laia and I were out for our walk, I noticed a lady walking her dog and pushing a stroller. It made me remember the pang of envy I used to feel up until about 18 months ago everytime I saw a lady, a stroller and a dog - I wanted to be that lady. Then it hit me; I am more than that lady now! I'm not only pushing a stroller, I'm pushing a twin stroller! I'm not walking a dog, but we have two wonderful cats at home, and though I'm so much more a dog-person than a cat-person, I would never exchange Tatanka and Tomahawk for a dog.
I also noticed that the lady today didn't look happy. She looked tired. Exhausted. And then I thought, maybe all these ladies I've been envying for all these years aren't even happy. Maybe their situation at home isn't a happy one, maybe they don't like their job, maybe they don't have a job and are worried all the time about finances, maybe the kid doesn't sleep, maybe the kid screams a lot, maybe it's a real hassle having to take out the dog god knows how many times a day. I have always been happy with my life, with my situation. Of course I have done things I sometimes wished I hadn't done, but whenever I've found myself in an unhappy situation, I have done something about it, and have changed it. Now I have everything I've always dreamed of! My mother told me shortly after Liva and Laia were born that she remembers when I was five or six years old, I said I wanted a nice, good-looking husband and twins. All I know is that as far back as I can remember, that's what I have wanted. And that's what I have. Not only do I have a nice, good-looking husband, I have a great, romantic, sweet, funny, generous, good-looking husband! Not only do I have twins, I have sweet, easy, fun, absolutely beautiful twin girls! I've said it before, and I'm happy to say it again: I love my life!
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