Stine Kuskner

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By Stine Kuskner - Mon 11th Jul 2011

 

I'm finding life a bit difficult at the moment......

Liva and Laia don't sleep much, I guess because of the heat. I have just enough time in the mornings to shower and get dressed, if I'm lucky I can put on make-up too, though I've been doing that with Liva and Laia pulling at my clothes or playing wild on the bed (and falling off). In the afternoon they sleep for amximum one hour, Liva wakes up completely drenched in sweat, tired and cranky. She cries, and wakes up Laia, who's also still tired, therefore cranky. Since they don't sleep a lot, they cry much more than normally. Since they cry a lot and I don't get much time off from them, I have no patience with them, and the days get extremely long.

Albert constantly complains - about his job, the things we have (or don't have) in the apartment, the weather, his family, the cats, himself, our financial situation, etc, etc, etc. When he had his phone-interview on Friday he told me to leave the house with Liva and Laia, when he has to clean the apartment at the weekends (he won't pay for a cleaning-lady, he won't even let me pay it with my own money!) I have to take Liva and Laia out or we're in the way. And if we come back before he's done, well - all hell breaks loose! Of course, he never offers to take the girls out on his own to give me a break. In the one year they've been in our lives, Albert has been out on his own with them twice - once because I was drowning in work, and once because I was sick. For some reason, taking them out is my job, 7 days a week, very often twice a day. If Albert feels like joining he'll join, if not, he gets to stay at home. Must be nice....

I have a challenging, exciting job, starting up a whole new department at our school. But I don't have enough time, so it's causing more stress and worry than anything else. Lately all I want to do is quit. But then how would I pay my part of the mortgage and bills???

I haven't had vacation or a good night's sleep in about 1½ years. Though I love Liva and Laia with all my heart, and deep down I know it's all worth it, lately I'm finding it very difficult to get that deep down and find the patience and motivation again.

Actually, change my first sentence to "I'm finding life very difficult at the moment"!

Next week I've asked Heather to come almost every day to give me a break, the following week my mom will be here. If that doesn't help, I'll take time off and fly back up to Denmark for a week or two, taking complete vacation - no working for Oxford House and no translations, like when I was in Denmark in June. Just total relaxation...

I need to do something, I can't continue like this. I don't like feeling like this!