Mr Grumpy

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By Mr Grumpy - Wed 20th Jun 2012

 

I consider myself a pretty normal / average kind of person, and on balance I’m guessing that there must be quite a few of us out there.... ( ? )

However, as time goes on and I am getting gradually older (yet my boyish good looks still seem to linger), my patience and tolerance dwindles and there are seemingly more and more things that I just don't see the need for . Then again, this could always be just down to me being a miserable bugger.

My tally of ‘ pointless things’ about life in Spain (and Life in general, I suppose ) is by no means limited, and I find myself subconsciously adding to this list in my head on an almost daily basis :

1) Champagne : Does anyone who drinks Champagne on a regular basis actually like it, or are they either A) Pretentious or B) In possession of more money than sense ? Especially when you can buy a bottle of Spanish Cava from Mercadona at 2 Euros a bottle and not tell the difference.

2) Cushions / Candles / Pot Pourri : It drives me insane when I have to rearrange the furniture before I can so much as sit down in my own house. This is a ‘woman thing’ – right ?

3) Camp TV presenters : No I'm not being Homophobic, I'm being Mince-o-phobic. One's choice of sexuality means little to me, but I can see no relevance or point in every second TV "Celebrity" being as camp as a row of pink tents at a mardi-gras (And yes, I'm talking about you; Graham Norton, Alan Carr, Dale Winton, Brian Dowling, Paul O'Grady...)

4) Sailing / Cycling/ Motorsports : I can see the appeal of such a sport when you are actually participating in it, but as spectator ? Seriously, these are all just modes of transport - what next ? - 'Bus Catching ?'

5) Non Alcoholic Beer : I think this one speaks for itself.

6) Smileys / Emoticons and Abbreviations on Texts : Either pick up the phone and Speak to your friend like in ‘Ye Oldene dayes’, or don't be lazy and type your message in full. I spent 7 long years at Grammar School and feel particularly aggrieved when I receive a "lol".

7) Wine that costs more than 2 Euros a bottle / 5 Euros a bottle in a restaurant : Come on, the snob in all of us hopes that out host / guest will be able to notice and appreciate the difference that we ourselves can't.

8) Gibraltar : Not the place - the arguments that it causes. Let the people who live there decide who should govern them. I can understand Spain claiming that Gibraltar is geographically part of Spain and should therefore fall under Spanish sovereignty, but then that logic would surely have to apply to Spain's enclaves in Northern Africa as well ?

9) Turron : Ok, I get it. You have a glut of Almonds and Honey - that doesn't mean you should invent a new sport whereby you can try and remove your own teeth as quickly as possible by eating something indigestible.

10) Almond biscuits : Oh joy, more Almond stuff. I wonder if anyone has ever been able to get one of those Christmas-almond biscuits anywhere near their mouth before it turns to dust.

11) Horchata : I have worked it out - the preference for tiles in almost every Spanish home means that Polycell in Spain have to find another outlet for their wallpaper paste.

12) Fireworks : Ok, I'm not adverse to a few fireworks at the odd fiesta, but when Spain is entering its 5th year of financial crisis I can't really see the benefit in each two-donkey village have a couple of lavish displays every year.

There are bound to be a few more that I have forgotten, but I’m sure I can pontificate about them at a later date.