Mr Grumpy

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By Mr Grumpy - Wed 14th Mar 2012

 

Yes, I know – yet another stereotype and sweeping generalisation from Mr Grumpy... however, the paradox that is Spanish eating habits has been intriguing me for a while now.

Time to let off a bit of steam ?

Following on from my previous blogs About How NOT to translate a menu, and the subject of Ham, Spam and other Pig-related by-products, I have decided to poke my stick once again on the subject of the Spanish diet.

Every middle aged woman in the UK would probably be able to reel off a dozen or so different diets that they had tried over the last 20 years so : The Atkins diet; the cabbage soup diet; the grapefruit diet etc... etc...

Then there are the food Nazis who tell you not to eat late in the evening, or after 6pm, or whatever.

Add in the ‘no more than 2 units of alcohol per day’ brigade and the old ‘passive smoking’ soap-boxers.

Chuck in a good dollop of the nanny state’s favourite ‘5 portions of fruit and veg a day’ drum-bangers.

Then we’ve have the ‘Saturated fats, E numbers and monosodiumwhatsit brigade to contend with....

And finally the organic foodstuffs, genetically modified and macrobiotic whole food hippies .

- In short, every UK authority and tree-hugging do-gooder over the last 15 years has bullied the general public into eating less Hydrogenated fats, fewer e number, less preservatives, cutting back on alcohol, no eating heavy meals late at night and saying no to high levels of salt.

So what can we actually eat ?

Personally, I prefer to follow the Spanish Food Triangle :

1.) Skip breakfast – it is for wimps, but if breakfast really must be taken then make it a freshly brewed coffee (maybe with a Gin or Brandy) and a cigarette on the way to work.

2.) An Almuerzo at 11pm, probably a stodgy Tortilla stuffed baguette or some other carb-fest chased down with a bottle of beer and another coffee. Maybe a side of pickles or Olives as a nod towards the ‘5 a day’. At least 2 more cigarettes, and that should suffice until lunchtime.

3.) 2pm : Menu del Dia down the local : Half a Barra with a half-pint of gooey alioli, a few glasses of red wine, a thick stew to start with, followed by a hearty chunk of meat and fried potatoes ( half a slimy, grilled green pepper clings to a corner of the plate as yet another nod to the ‘5 a day’). Some kind of sugary egg pudding as a desert, another coffee and another couple of cigarettes finishes the meal off nicely.

4.) 4pm : Coffee and another Cigarette

5.) 8pm : Stop for a few quick Cerveza’s and a Tapa on the way home to relax and enjoy favourite hobby of passive smoking for an hour or so.

6) 10pm : Evening meal, half a barra and some homemade stew. Couple of glasses of red and a few more cigarettes.

Bread intake : Only ate the 1 Barra today - Must do much better tomorrow

Alcohol : Only drank alcohol at 5 separate interludes during the day – room for improvement.

Caffeine : Failed to drink enough to counter the effects of the alcohol.

Veg : 2 portions today, I knew I overdid things with those olives.

Smoking : A disappointing day – still had 2 left in the pack by bedtime – will get up 5 mins early tomorrow to try and improve.

Yes, I mock, and yes there is more than a little element of truth here.

The sad thing is that despite these ‘bad dietary habits’ recent figures show that the average life expectancy in Spain is 78.16 for Men and 84.67 for women, whilst in the UK it is 78.05 for men and 81.16 for women.

(And how many clinically obese Spaniards have you seen ? How often do you see a physically active Octagenarian toiling away on his vegetable plot in the UK ? How many times have you heard a Spaniard claim he was gluten intolerant or had an overactive Thyroid ?)

My point being this : If I had spent all of my adult life worrying about what I was eating, drinking and smoking I would at least hope that it would have some benefit on my quality of life and life expectancy.

From what I can see, evidence points to the fact that the tree-hugging, finger-wagging hippy do-gooders in the UK might want to have a re-think.