Mr Grumpy

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By Mr Grumpy - Fri 17th Oct 2014

 

"Who ?"

I know that is what you are thinking : "Who the Bejesus is Angeles Duran, and what has she done that Mr Grumpy could have such a Beef against her ? And, even if he does have a right to Beef, why single her out for such a slating on so public a platform as this blog, which has been known to attract visitor numbers of (almost) double figures from time to time ?"

Allow me to tell you why...

If you are blessed with a good memory, and can cast your mind back to December of 2010, you may recall that Sra Angeles Duran became the first person on the planet to register a claim as the legal and rightful owner of the Sun.

The clearly deluded 49 year old from Galica registered her claim with her Notary, exploiting a loophole in the 1967 Outer Space Treaty, which basically prevents any Government claiming ownership of any celestial body, on the grounds that the treaty did not extend to private individuals.

The Mentalist apparently went on to meet representatives from Spain's Ministry of Industry to discuss the possibility of charging photovoltaic plants for converting 'her' energy into electricity, with a number of International Newspapers reporting that she had indeed been issued with a 'Document' confirming her claim, and instructing her Notary to investigate ways in which she could charge the general public.

At the time she very generously announced that she would distribute her profits across the country, with 50% of the proceeds going to the government, 20% to the nation's pension fund, 10% dedicated to ending world hunger and 10% on research.

She proposed to keep the remaining 10% for herself : Fair enough, given she is the rightful owner of the Sun after all.

However this week it occurred to me that Sra Duran has not really thought this through (assuming of course that she was not institutionalized for her own safety shortly after making these claims and then marrying her Dog).

1) It has been bloody cold this week : Can I therefore sue her for some kind of breach of contract ?

2) I got sunburn back in August on one of my rare appearances on the beach : Some kind of Health and Safety claim there, I think ?

3) Inflexibility of service - Sometimes it would suit me better for it to be daylight at nighttime and vice versa : Surely as consumers we have the right to make our minds up when we opt in to this service ?

4) Environment factors : Surely as owner of the Sun, she should take responsibility for it's operation and ensure that phenomena such as drought or forest fires did not result from her careless guardianship ?

5) No 'Opt Out' clause : If it applies to Telecoms and Utilities Companies, then why should she be any different ?

I for one, look forward to receiving my first bill for usage of 'her' Sun, whereupon I will instruct my legal team to take the appropriate action.

And yes, it has taken me the best part of 4 years to think up a response to this.